


try to kill it all away (but i remember everything)

by stardustgirl



Series: No Need for Open Roads [4]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: (again it's not as much as the first fic but), (kind of), Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Alternate Universe - Western, American History, California, Civil War, Cowboys & Cowgirls, Dysfunctional Family, Ezra Bridger Has PTSD, Family Bonding, Flashbacks, Horses, I Cannot Stress that Enough, Kanan Jarrus Has PTSD, Light Angst, Parental Kanan Jarrus, Phoenix Nest Discord, Platonically, Pony Express, Sharing a Bed, Slang, Slice of Life, The Civil War Is Happening And Sabine Very Much Wants To Get Involved, Werewolves Turn Into Actual Wolves, it is very very very platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24066583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustgirl/pseuds/stardustgirl
Summary: Adjusting to life with Sabine is easy, until it's not.  And, of course, news from the front lines of the war doesn't help much with that.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger & Sabine Wren, Kanan Jarrus & Sabine Wren
Series: No Need for Open Roads [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730470
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	try to kill it all away (but i remember everything)

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Blood Mention, Flashback, Slight Gore (? it cuts off like right before though sooo ??)

After Sabine comes, life settles back into a routine, just one with someone else involved. Sabine takes his old room, and he moves into Kanan’s, trying not to kick him during the night. Kanan’s been more than kind, but _anyone_ would get techy about their sleep getting interrupted by a heel to the kneecaps.

Sabine takes to helping him clean tack and the water troughs that Kanan can’t see well enough to do a thorough job of. Ezra does, however, quickly realize that for all Sabine’s skill in riding, her skill in regards to tacking up are no great shakes.

Luckily, thanks to his months with Kanan, he’s now a dabster at it.

“Look, you gotta tug the latigo more, or it won’t be tight enough—“

“I _am_ tugging it!”

“Okay okay, sorry.” He takes a step back, watching as the frustrated girl tugs once more. The long latigo is still too loose, but she’s made it very clear that she doesn’t want his help. Finally she pulls it through the loop and tucks it back in, sighing loudly. She walks the pinto mare up to the fence and mounts up.

And yelps as the saddle flips, depositing her onto the ground as the horse squeals in fear and starts crow-hopping in an attempt to get the sudden weight off of her stomach. Ezra can’t help but laugh once Sabine scrambles out of the way.

Finally the pinto calms down, sides heaving as she snorts furiously and tosses her head repeatedly. Ezra raises a hand and approaches her. “Easy, girl, easy—”

The mare snorts again, eyes rolling as she spots him. “I’m just trying to fix the saddle, get it off you, okay?” The horse paws as he grabs a hold of the reins with one hand and starts to undo the short latigo with the other. “Easy….”

He gets it loose and the horse whinnies, trying to lunge forward as the rig finally drops to the ground. Ezra tightens his grip on the reins, keeping his voice low as he continues talking to her. Finally, the mare calms down enough he can lead her from the fallen saddle and tie her to a spot further down the fence.

“And _that’s_ why you double check the cinch,” he says, smirking as he walks back to Sabine. She rolls her eyes, socking him playfully in the shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Should I try again?”

“Uh...maybe not with her.” The pinto snorts, as if in agreement, and he can’t help but laugh again. “We should get the saddle cleaned up, anyway. You’ve still got that bridle to finish and I have the trough. I’ll leave her out to settle for a minute.” Sabine nods, dusting herself off as Ezra moves to grab the saddle. It’s one of the lighter, more durable Express rigs thankfully, so it doesn’t appear any worse for wear. He sets it on the fence before grabbing the rag and starting to clean it off once more. Sabine brings the bridle she was working on earlier over, too, and they settle into a comfortable quiet.

He’s nearly done when Sabine clears her throat.

“So have you ever...uh... _bitten_ anyone?”

Ezra blinks, confused. “Why would I bite someone?”

Sabine shrugs, gaze dropping to the bit as she starts to scrub the dried slobber off of it. “I dunno. Just like...isn’t that what werewolves _do?_ ”

“I don’t _think_ so? I mean, _I_ haven’t bitten anyone...I don’t _want_ to bite anyone? Um...ask Kanan.”

He inhales slowly, trying to focus on just brushing the dust off, but his mind is adrift now thanks to her question. The stench of blood and musk filling his nose as a growl emanates from the trees right behind him, the feeling of a claw pinning his shoulder down as teeth tear at his chest—

“Ezra?”

He blinks, nodding. “Uh, yeah. Yeah.”

Sabine’s brow is raised, expression skeptical. “You...okay?”

“Uh...yeah. Yeah, sure. Sorry, I...sorry.”

She rolls her eyes, and he notices with a jolt that the rest of the bit she’s working on looks fire-new. He must have been distracted longer than he thought.

“Whatever. Kanan stepped out to say supper will be ready in a minute.”

“Okay.”

She takes the bridle off the fencepost, walking it over to the tack hooks beside the stalls as Ezra tries to get himself under control. _Focus, Bridger. You’re fine._

He follows Sabine into the small stable a moment later, sliding the Express saddle on top of the spare before leaving again to bring the pinto in. She’s one of the Express regulars at their station, but he still hasn’t heard her given a name. Not like Phantom.

He slips her halter off after letting her loose in the stall, hooking it up before heading into the house. Kanan’s passing a pair of plates of corn-dodgers to Sabine before turning back for a third, and Ezra raises an eyebrow. It looks like they’re burned more than usual.

Still, it’s not too much out of the ordinary, so he doesn’t mention it. They eat quietly, and Ezra gets the feeling that something’s wrong.

His gut turns out to be right when Kanan clears his throat. “So. The Confederacy and the Union clashed near Washington a couple weeks ago.”

Silence falls.

“And?” Sabine finally asks.

“They’re calling it Bull Run,” he continues. “They didn’t lose a lot, but...the Union lost.”

More silence.

“Dash ‘em,” Sabine speaks up, the first one to break the silence once more. “They can slide. I don’t kriffing care about people who think they can own someone else. We lost the first brush, too. And I still say kriff ‘em. Kick me out if you want, but the slavers can _burn._ ”

Ezra nods slowly. “Yeah. What...what she said.” _Just...please don’t kick me out._ He’s still not entirely sure of Kanan’s view on the matter, though he has a fairly good idea.

“I agree.” The former Rider nods firmly. “I’m glad you two don’t believe their splashing. Too many people do. It’s why we’re in this mess in the first place.” Ezra nods again, lost in thought as a wave of relief hits him like a flash flood. “I want you to know, too, that even though I support the Union in this, I’m not getting involved. I don’t want to risk them coming down on—“

“Then you’re no better than _them._ ” Sabine shoves her chair back abruptly, storming out of the house and slamming the door shut.

Ezra rises, too, though much slower. “Should I...uh...go after her…?”

Kanan shrugs, sighing. “If you want to.”

Nodding, Ezra slips out to find Sabine sitting on the fence of the round pen, a stick and her knife in her hands. It looks like she’s trying to carve, but her movements are sudden, jerking. Ezra’s hesitant to approach her.

“S– Sabine?”

“ _What,_ Ezra?!”

He flinches but takes a step closer anyway. “Kanan’s just...he’s just trying to protect us, you know—”

“By keeping his head down? Yeah, _sure_ he is. By protecting _us,_ he’s throwing a lot more people under the wagon instead. If you’re not doing anything, then you’re just saying that you’re okay with it, and you’re taking the coward’s way out.” She attacks the stick with another vicious stroke and he’s once again glad he’s not on the receiving end.

“He’s _blind,_ Sabine.”

“I didn’t say he had to kriffing _scrap,_ did I? No. He just has to have some dad-blame _sympathy_ for once!”

“I think he does—“

She hops down from the fence without warning, stalking toward him while pointing the knife in his face. “And _if he did,_ then he would find some _other_ kriffing way in blazes to help. Except he made it _very_ clear that he _won’t._ ”

“Sabine—“

“Sabine. Ezra.”

They turn at Kanan’s voice. He’s standing on the porch, expressionless.

“I wasn’t done.”

There’s silence for a tense minute before Ezra starts inside, Sabine trailing after him.

The minute the door closes, despite the fact that they’re all still standing, Kanan continues.

“ _You two_ can do whatever you want. But _I’m_ out. Don’t tell me what you’re doing, and I won’t stop you. Just...be smart about it. I don’t want you two getting hurt. Okay?”

Still hesitant, they both nod. “Okay,” Ezra says.

“Good.”

Quiet falls again. Ezra finds himself trying to think of how he or Sabine could _possibly_ do anything without it getting traced back to Kanan. He’s already let them into his _house,_ his _life._ He can’t do anything that would draw the kind of attention that Kanan doesn’t want, regardless of which side of the war he agrees with.

If Sabine wants to, she can. But he’s not Sabine. He doesn’t have _any_ kind of a family to go back to. So he won’t risk it.

Slowly, the tension eases, and they all start cleaning up for the night. Sabine still radiates disgust for Kanan’s refusal to act, but it’s more of a simmering rage now rather than the sky-high flames it was before. That will have to be enough.

When they head to their rooms for the night, Ezra finds himself staring out the window for hours, even once Kanan’s long drifted off. Sabine’s words from before circle like vultures in his mind, barely keeping the wolves from his far-off memories of Nebraska at bay.

_“If you’re not doing anything, then you’re just saying that you’re okay with it, and you’re taking the coward’s way out.”_

Kanan’s not a coward, he knows. A coward would have kicked Ezra out the minute his secret was revealed.

 _And what about_ you?

**Author's Note:**

> Slang
> 
> Techy: irritable  
> Shakes: not great, a failure  
> Dabster: expert  
> Fire-new: brand new, sparkling clean  
> Splashing: talking/spreading of nonsense  
> Scrap: fight


End file.
